To the ripped Texan who understood my body immediately, the Floridian whose energy rippled the room, and the middle-aged real estate agent with unique art and an even more impressive perspective, I wish I knew more about you. I reminisce about the idea that we could have been something fruitful. Humans have stories, pain, and a body to communicate. Have we evolved so far from our roots that we separate our sexual organs from our desires?
We are living in 2021, dating is incredibly surface. If you are lucky enough to meet that special someone during a mutual experience, more props to you. If you are like the rest of us, you search aimlessly online for the ideal someone, usually based on photos that show skin or a bio that draws your physical body to theirs.
Is it just me, or are we consistently disappointed for no other reason than the time we spend alongside another human on a “tinder” date lacks a basic soul connection? Nevertheless, we find ourselves back on the same battlefield the next night.
Why are we afraid to ask someone out to dinner after an intimate experience?
We accept the status quo when we know true arousal comes from an emotional and personal connection. Yes, some find a special relationship online, but that isn’t the point. When we care for one another and mutually understand someone’s story, real stimulation occurs (this can be built at work, school, or through mutual friends). We choose to blindside ourselves in order to sustain the toxic social standards in place.
Attraction over a screen can get the juices flowing, but the person tends to undermine our expectations when we finally touch their flesh. To be clear – I will “hook-up” with a total stranger just as much as the next person – it’s fun, I feel truly alive. Especially throughout this pandemic, the touch of a man seems further away than ever, so when there is an opportunity, I am going to grab it by the belt buckle. But once a person has exited the room and you are left alone with a glass of wine and cable news, you remember the moment you felt full while entangled around their body. You may be unsure if you’ll ever see them again. You feel empty.
We must ask ourselves, our soul, how we truly feel.
Normalizing “listening” to our soul is taboo, but it seems like monogamous sex is too. How do we move onto a more fulfilling normality? Well, we must slap ourselves in the face and find out what we are truly seeking. If your answer to this question is physical validation and release, you might as well stay in the place you are at. If your answer is genuine laughs, a consistent sexual partner, and someone who asks questions without feeling forced, then maybe it is time for a change.